Thursday, October 8, 2009

Is This a Trap?

So there's this new lipgloss, 2 Love My Lips, that comes with a handy date rape-drug detection kit. Read what Katy over at Jezebel wrote about it. I have to agree that it's a bit odd that the colors are advertised as "seductive."

Years ago my drink was once spiked with GHB at a big Vegas-themed costume party. The perp was a nondescript stranger who helpfully held my drink as I took my turn at the roulette wheel. I very quickly became horrifically ill. Luckily I was there with my sister who got me help. It may have served the would-be rapist right if I had indeed fallen into his hands. As it went, it took a while for the EMTs to believe that I had not brought my condition upon myself. I was costumed in visible garters and kaleidoscopic drag-queen shoes, and my sister pleaded for help wearing a teensy, vintage chain-mail halter and pink leather skirt. "We don't usually dress like this! She didn't take anything!" I vaguely recall her repeating. I was very out of it, and I think my sister ended up more traumatized than me; she still likes to say that the "emblem" of that evening was the image of my false eyelashes, afloat in the ambulance vomit basin.

So as not to end on that note, I'll add that if I had this product-of-the-future, I would be eager to try it out. I would probably make eyes at some creep and then leave him alone with my drink, just to have the pleasure of doing a little science experiment.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Ask A Cobbler!

I've just cleaned out my closets. During the purge I came across the thigh-high, pink-suede boots I mentioned in Worst Things I Ever Wore. But somehow I just couldn't let them go. They'd be okay, I reasoned, if the toe wasn't so long and pointy. Can that be changed? I began to google around for an answer and soon came across the informative blog, Ask A Cobbler. Someone had asked my very question and the advising cobbler said yes, it can be done! While there I also learned answers to several other interesting shoe-repair questions (she typed without sarcasm).

So today I took my questionable boots to two of my local cobblers. Candidate one just said no. The look on his face said of course not. So I went up the street and asked a second cobbler.
"Well," he said. "I don't think that will work."
"But there's a lot of room in the toe," I offered. The point is very long and thin-- see? It goes way past my actual toe."
"Yes," he nodded. But if I cut it, there will be a hole." I waited for him to continue. But he did not.
"I was wondering if you could re-sew the hole. Changing the shape of the boot. I don't like long, pointy toes anyway."
"Well, they are pointy," he explained, "because that is how they are shaped."
"And we can't change the shape?" At this point he looked at me with pity.
"If we cut the point off, then there is a hole, and we will see your toes."

On the walk home, under a flawless autumn-blue sky, I came up with Plan B. I will wear the boots with something else I couldn't quite bear to get rid of: my flamingo costume. I made it five years ago. Along with a giant pink-feathered tail supported by wire armature, it includes a pink foam-rubber beak, pink wig, pink-feathered eyelashes, and a pair of sandals I sacrificed to hot glue and more feathers. But with the boots? A Complete Finished Look. Halloween is close.

This all reminds me of a conversation I had with my local wine store owner, Gary, last week. He updated me on the job searches of various neighbors, indicating that the redhead on her way out, with a bottle of something bubbly and celebratory, had just booked her first modeling job in months. "She is, in Japan, a big deal," said Gary. "But times are not so good. People aren't buying new boots; no, they fix their old boots. They don't buy new computer, they fix old computer." His eyes sparkled then, "But people can't fix their old wine, right?"

Friday, October 2, 2009

Gas Mask Bra

Elena Bodnar has just been awarded an Ig Nobel Prize in Public Health for her design of a bra that converts to a pair of gas masks.

Elena lives in Illinois now but was born in the Ukraine, and says she was inspired by the Chernobyl incident. You know who really could have used one of these? This gal.

Thanks for the tip, Cousin Brian!