I know what I said, but there is another faux-Bonnie who deserves our attention: Brigitte Bardot. I've listened to Ms. Bardot purr along with Serge Gainsbourg on the song Bonnie and Clyde a thousand times. But somehow, until tonight, I had never watched the essential music video. How could this have happened? I didn't know that Brigitte dressed up as Bonnie Parker (as played by Faye) and lolled around, lifting her skirt and fondling her garters.
Her beret is not beige, but it looks fantastic. And can I get my new haircut to do that upwards-pointing curlicue thing?
Go watch the video, then come back and we'll lull ourselves to sleep by ogling a selection of Mr. Bardot's album covers, presented in no particular order.
This cover showcases an embarrassment of riches. Brigitte came equipped with every single feature now popular for purchase. I'm surprised god didn't just stop making girls after this one.
This cover reminds me of blaxpotation films. So much pure-seventies style to love: the foggy, flame-colored atmosphere, the floppy felt hat, the hooker boots, the upskirt angle, and of course, the font.
Purple jeans. Tons of bleachy hair. Really all you need.
You should click to enlarge this one, so as to view the makeup job up close. Either they painted it on with magic marker after the photo was taken, or possibly, this depicts Brigitte during that terrible year when the zombies came. No one avoided becoming undead; not even French bombshells. Also of note: the brief appearance of her natural hair color.
Here is Brigitte in a rueful mood, pouting under an ultra-thick headband and early occurrence of winged liner.
This next one isn't an album cover, but shows our Ms. Bardot casually practicing her guitar to expand her musical repertoire. I first mistook her for Kate Moss. The non-skeletal thigh is what decided it.
Now for the grand finale: Brigitte Bardot on piano. If you can tear your eyes away from the world's bustiest ballerina, please glance down and note that the accompanist is wearing a monocle.
As if giving us moments like these was not enough, Brigitte now dedicates her life to saving adorable animals. That's all. Good night.