"What kind of a sadist makes people write out their self improvement goals, esp as related to appearance? How exhausting. This is weather to give up all forms of personal grooming except cool showers and tooth brushing. I say we crack open a cold one and enjoy the weekend."
Well the weekend is over, but let's not let that stop us. Turns out it's not so much a choice of grooming ourselves or having a cocktail; booze can be a valuable tool in the pursuit of beauty.
First, choose your beverages carefully. This 1940 ad assures that Acme Beer is dietetically non-fattening, though the fine print warns, "relatively so, compared with other foods." Those calories might be better spent on the "ready... set... GLOW!" promised by klassy Champale brand malt liquor in 1965.
But perhaps you've spent too much time in the sun this summer and have ended up with more than a glow:
"Mix two parts lemon juice to one part Jamaica Rum, and pat on freckles, (I suppose you can drink what's left over, and then you won't care whether you have freckles or not!)"
--Dorothy Rutledge, Natural Beauty Secrets (1969)
Some say the that drinking in moderation leads to relaxation and therefore enhances beauty, making it a sensible part of your everyday routine:
"For slightly faded ladies, I am a great believer in a glass of red wine at least once a day with lunch or dinner, and every night and morning a good massage with pure turtle oil."
--Jane Gordon, Home Beauty Treatments (1943)
"A friend of mine swears by this one, and even though it's not on the diet, I've included it for completeness. Try it after you get thin. Just take a jigger of whiskey, a jigger of lemon juice in which you've dissolved a suitable amount of sugar, mix them together in a glass, and take the whole concoction into the tub where you-- yes, drink it. Slowly. While you steep. Not for every day, but relaxing, for sure."
--Gloria Richards, A New You (1980)
Oh, but you knew a proponent of the Don't Kid Yourself Diet would have to chime in:
"If you like liquor, have it straight. Mixed drinks add calories and fluid. A straight whiskey will get you where you want to be as quick as a Manhattan, and you'll be thinner when you get there."
--Polly Bergen, Polly's Principles (1974)
Much more on Polly soon. She's one of my favorites.